


waving off the tracks

by lover_44



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Hospitals, M/M, Very angsty things, but also fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 17:09:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6574738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lover_44/pseuds/lover_44
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dalton and Mackenzie meet at a hospital. Everything is complicated, specially love.<br/>(I wont be able to finish this, so I will leave it as a standalone. 8tracks fanmix link will be in the notes,  if anyone is interested)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Author's notes

Well, this is a work in progress, something I have only ever done one time before, give it or take ten years ago. I ended up killing one of the characters off, but I will try to do my best and not do this here. Bear with me as I write this, I have it outlined (at least in my head), so I know how this starts, develops and ends, but you never know as you write. I don’t know yet how many chapters will it be, but there will be an epilogue. I will take my time writing, so please, please, give me feedback as I'm going!

 

At some point (most likely at the end) I will add a fanmix to 8tracks and leave the link here, as all chapters will have song names or be heavily inspired or represented by songs. Sorry about my english, it’s not my native language, luckily I have a dear friend (Crisfeline here on Ao3. Look her up!) who is also a great beta reader. I hope you guys like this and give me feedback as I write, because I am terrified of multi chaptered fanfics! 

 

 

EDIT: Sadly, I wont be able to finish this for now. I have a few things writen down and maybe at some point I will go back to it, but right nowits just too hard. Im sorry, guys. I believe this first  chapter is good enough to be read as standalone, and maybe I will write more Dalkenzie, only much shorter fics as Im used. I will add the link to the fanmix I've put it on 8tracks here and on tumblr. My askbox on tumblr (crawlerofthenight ) is open if anyone wants to leave me prompts! Sorry once again,  and thank to everyone who showed support in the comments.


	2. You’re weighted down, you’re full of something (you’re underneath it all)

When  they first met, it was all white and quiet. The kind of quietness only hospitals could bring, all tense and desperate. Dalton could hear the soles of his feet against the ground as he walked through the lonesome hallway of the hospital, it was too bright, too white to him. That hallway was the complete opposite of his mind. Always too full of everything, thoughts never in order. As he quietly walked forward (another thing his mind wasn’t capable of doing: going forward instead of in circles. It was really just  _ too much _ for him), he never heard anything other than _ tap tap tap  _ of his bare feet. All he wanted was to be away from his room for awhile, walk around where there was no one asking him how he felt everyten minutes, even if he had to escape. He wasn’t expecting such sealed quiet, even though he knew it was considerably late, and the other wings where the patients slept, were supposed to be quiet for their rest. It didn’t make Dalton le ss nervous, palms sweating as he felt the pressure of silence. He could hear his own thoughts, and that was never good to him. It was what landed him there in the first place.

In his desperation to go back, as far away as he could from all that  _ nothing _ , he heard the softest voice, and at first Dalton thought it was in his head, it was  _ always  _ in his head. But it wasn’t, and as he saw one of the room doors open, he quietly peered inside. For a moment, Dalton was not able to think of himself as on earth. He was not able to think of himself as alive, dead, or anything else. All he was able to do was stare and listen as the soft voice read a book. The first thing Dalton though was that the brown hair and the glasses made him look like Harry Potter, the second thought was that the boy, a boy just like him, looked more at peace than anyone Dalton had ever seen in a hospital. He stood there for awhile, listening to the soft words spoken out of the book, and as he listened to it, he felt more and more at ease with himself.

“In the sunset of dissolution, everything is illuminated by the aura of nostalgia, even the guillotine”  The boy read, and it took Dalton awhile to understand that the next words were spoken directly to him. It felt like coming crashing down from whatever place those words have put him into. Dalton didn’t know the boy, but his words already had such a high power over him “Isn’t it funny? I’m reading a book about death just after I escaped it” It’s what the boy tells Dalton.

There is a long moment of the static silence Dalton was so afraid before, feeling as if everything was in suspension, his hands tightening into tense balls. Until the boy speaks again, and smiles “I am Mackenzie” he says softly, realising how distraught Dalton looked “I’m sorry if I scared you”. It takes Dalton another long moment of silence to try and put his thoughts in an order that it’s not  _ run run run _ , but he does “Harry Potter, you look like it” he whispers as he feels tears in his eyes. This shouldn’t be so hard, Dalton shouldn’t have to feel like a freak all the time, but he feels backwards, he feels all wrong and he knows this boy can see it and will find him just inadequate as he feels, so he turns around, intended on leaving “No! Don’t go, please! Tell me your name” Came the plea from inside the room.

 

Dalton takes one deep breath, two, three, and when he trusts himself to speak again, he does “Dalton. I’m sorry I called you Harry Potter” he says. Dalton knows he can see it, how  _ wrong wrong  _  he is and…then there’s a soft laugh. Soft, but not mocking. Dalton doesn’ t leave. He just waits, and when Mackenzie gives him some more time, he speaks again “Don’t be, it was a nice compliment. Would you like to stay and read a little more with me?” Mackenzie asks, pointing at the armchair next to his bed. For a moment Dalton thinks he should not be there, maybe this chair belongs to a mother or a father, someone who  _ should _ be there and not him. He blinks once, twice, and then nods, seemingly against his own will. 

When Dalton finally sits in the chair, Mackenzie smiles again. He wants to know this boy, this boy who looks so scared and yet resigned to whatever fate has put him there. He seems nice, young, younger than Mackenzie, but then again, Mackenzie doesn’t know him, and he wants to. He will give Dalton (Dalton,  _ Dalton _ , a nice suiting name) his time, so he picks up the book and continues on reading.

 

It takes three days until Dalton, who has come back to Mackenzie’s room every night since then, to ask why he is there, and Mackenzie understands that it means that Dalton is ready to talk about himself as well. For three days, Dalton comes in and leaves quietly. They finish the book Mackenzie was originally reading, The Unbearable Lightness of the Being by Milan Kundera and start A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf. When Mackenzie picked the book from the small pile his parents kept updating, he didn’t though it would cause such an impact. On both of them. 

  
“Lock up your libraries, if you like, but there is no gate, no lock, no bolt that you can set upon the freedom of my mind” Mackenzie stops for a long moment, looking at the words in the book with a frown. He didn’t need to look at Dalton to feel the nervous tension coming from him suddenly. It came as a surprise when Mackenzie heard Dalton’s whispered question, and only then, he turned to look at him. Dalton wouldn’t meet his eyes, though. “Why are you here?” Dalton asked. Mackenzie could think of a hundred ways to tell Dalton, in the end, he chose the shortest, truest answer “Heart failure due to a virus. I now have a pacemaker”. Mackenzie never chose to be there, and yet he was always so at ease. When they first met, Mackenzie had told Dalton he had escaped death, and yet he seemed happy, content. To Dalton, having escaped death seemed like having a dark cloud over his head at all times, raining down on him “I’m in the wackos wing. Bipolar, tried to kill myself” it’s all Dalton says. Mackenzie never asked, but he knew.

 

In that moment, Mackenzie was sure that he would soon need a new heart, as he felt his own breaking a little. That initial thought that Dalton seemed resigned to whatever had brought him to the hospital was true. The boy seemed not only scared, but sad. In that moment, Mackenzie knew Dalton would be his friend, and that he would do his best to keep him at bay and safe.

In two weeks, both of their time was up in the hospital. Mackenzie’s observation time being over and Dalton’s treatment time as well. It was a lovely, sunny afternoon as they sat outside on the hospital’s garden. They had read four more books, all about death, all about love, all about self knowledge. Dalton was never a big reader growing up, he liked music, something he had quietly introduced to Mackenzie through humming and writing lyrics down from the songs he loved, but books were never much on his mind. Now, though, he wanted more, wanted to know more, and all thank to Mackenzie. Herman Hesse, Umberto Eco, Neil Gaiman. All of those names now known to Dalton. 

“This is for you” Mackenzie said as he offered a book to Dalton. The Great Gatsby “We started reading and I know you are enjoying it, so it’s yours”. Dalton only stared at the book. This felt too much like a goodbye, and he could feel his heart rate speeding up. He didn’t want that, he wanted to sit beside Mackenzie and listen to him read. In the back of his mind, Dalton understood Mackenzie had a life of its own, had friends and things to attend to, but Dalton did not. All he had outside that hospital was his room and his solitude. He didn’t want to go back to that. 

“I won’t disappear. You are my friend now, Dalton” It’s all Mackenzie has to say, and when he smiles, Dalton smiles back. To Mackenzie, that was his first win on the promise he made to himself. Keep Dalton happy. Mackenzie touches Dalton’s arm, feels his soft skin there, his warmth, and he tells Dalton he is real, that he is there for him, and with one last smile, they say their “see you later”. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the frst chapter. I have a few more things written down, but this is really hard, very emotionlly draining as I too fight against bipolar and anxiety disorders. You guys tell me if I should continue this or not.


End file.
